“Life has Been a Rough Ride” By Ronald Chatman 1-15-04

IT HAS BEEN A HARD LIFE AND A ROUGH RIDE, THE WAR WAGES ON IN THE STREETS
OF LOS ANGELES.  I HAVE NOT BEEN IN THE MIDST OF THE DRAMA FOR A FEW
MONTHS NOW BUT I STILL FEEL AS IF BODIES ARE STILL FALLING AROUND ME. YOU
CAN TAKE O/G/B MADD RONALD1 OUT OF THE 20S BUT YOU CANT TAKE THE 20S OUT
OF MADD RONALD1.  MY LIFE HAS BEEN THIS WAY SINCE AS FAR BACK AS I CAN
REMEMBER.  MY ULTIMATE GOAL WITHIN MY QUEST AS A WRITER IS TO INSTILL
PRIDE IN THOSE THAT COME FROM THE SAME STREETS AS ME AS WELL AS THOSE
THAT COME FROM THE STREETS JUST LIKE ME AND TO PROVE THE FACT THAT WE
ARE NOT THOSE THAT ARE HOPELESS.

I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THE INTERNET COMPOSITIONS OF O/G MADD
RONALD: BLOOD FOR LIFE ALONG WITH THE PIECE THAT I WROTE THAT WILL BE
FEATURED IN THE UPCOMING BOOK, THE BANDANA REPUBLIC. I HAVE NOT A DOLLAR
TO MY NAME AND I HAVE RELINQUISHED MY LIFE AS A DRUG DEALER IN THE STREETS
OF LOS ANGELES.  IT IS HARD BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO FIT INTO THE NORMAL
SCHEME OF LIFE. NOW MY ENEMY HAS BECOME POVERTY. WITHIN MY MIND I AM A
LIBERATED PERSON BUT I ALWAYS THINK OF THE HOOD AND HOW EASY A DOLLAR IS
TO COME BY THERE. THEN I ALWAYS HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT, IN ORDER TO
FLOURISH AND BECOME SUCCESSFUL WITHIN MY NEW LIFESTYLE I MUST SACRIFICE.
I AM NOT REALLY SACRIFICING TOO MUCH EXCEPT MY CHANCES OF GOING TO JAIL
OR GETTING KILLED IN THE STREETS OF THE 20S.

LIFE IS THE MOST MYSTERIOUS THING IN THE WORLD, THE SAME YEAR THAT I BEGAN
MY WRITING FOR THE WORLDWIDE WEB MY LIFE ALONG WITH MY PERSPECTIVES
STARTED TO CHANGE. MY ROUGHEST STRUGGLE IN MY LIFE THESE DAYS HAS BEEN
TRYING TO SEEK EMPLOYMENT IN A NEW PLACE. I HAVE TO FIT INTO THE NORMALITY
OF LIFE UNTIL THE DAY THAT MY BOOK STARTS TO SELL, WHICH SEEMS LIKE AN
ETERNITY. I HAVE SUCH A DEVOUT TEAM ON MY SIDE THAT I AM SURE THAT MY BOOK
WILL BE A BEST SELLER. THE READERS ALWAYS TELL ME AND I WOULD LIKE TO
THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERY BIT OF SUPPORT, CONDOLENCES, AND RESPECT THAT
YALL HAVE BEEN EXPRESSING TOWARD ME WITHIN MY TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS IN
2003.

EVEN THOUGH THE BOOK IS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING PUBLISHED, I AM STILL
DEDICATED TO THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN READING AND SUPPORTING ME THROUGH
THE INTERNET. THROUGHOUT THE PAST YEAR I HAVE HEARD FROM AN INFINITE
AMOUNT OF PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD AND I DO MY BEST TO ANSWER
ALL OF THE E-MAILS AND LETTERS THAT I HAVE BEEN RECEIVING.  IF YOU HAVE NOT
RECEIVED A RESPONSE FROM ME, DONT TAKE IT AS A SIGN OF DISRESPECT ON MY
BEHALF. I HAVE BEEN IN TRANSITION WITHIN THE PAST MONTHS. I HAVE BEEN DOING
QUITE A BIT OF TRAVELING, SO THAT IS MY BAD FOR ALL OF THOSE LETTERS THAT I
HAVE NOT BEEN ANSWERING, BUT BELIEVE I READ EVERYONES LETTERS SO KEEP
PUTTING MAIL IN MY P.O. BOX AND I WILL EVENTUALLY GET AROUND TO ANSWERING
THOSE LETTERS.

I HAVE TO GIVE ALEJANDRO (ALBEE) A GREAT DEAL OF RESPECT FOR POSTING MY
WRITNG ON STREETGANGS.COM. I HAVE THE WORLD ON MY SIDE SO HOW WRONG
CAN I BE? I AM TRULY MOVED BY THOSE THAT FEEL MY WORDS AND UNDERSTAND
THAT I DO NOT GLORIFY THE LIFE OF A KILLER OR A CONVICT, I JUST TELL MY
STORIES FROM MY OWN POINT OF VIEW, BEING A BLOOD. I KNOW THAT I MUST HAVE
A GREAT DEAL OF IMPACT ON THE MINDS OF THE READERS BECAUSE I AM EVEN
CONTACTED BY CRIPS THAT KNOW THE LIFE AND FEEL EVERY WORD THAT I EXPRESS.

I SHARE MY LIFE WITH THE WORLD AS IF MY THOUGHTS ARE ON DISPLAY. SOME
ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN THE MINDS OF THE GANG MEMBERS
ALL AROUND THE WORLD, SO NOW YOU KNOW, WONDER NO MORE. I AM NO
DIFFERENT THAN ANY OF THE Y/GS OR O/GS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD BECAUSE I
HAVE PUT MY FOOT ON EVERY STEP IN THIS LIFESTYLE WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, I
STILL MIGHT HAVE ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE AND THE OTHER IN THE PENITENTIARY. I
HAVE PRACTICALLY THREE DECADES ON THE SETT AND EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT IN
THE HOOD AND I AM SEARCHING FOR MYSELF, I AM STILL A MEMBER OF BLOODS ON
A WORLD-WIDE LEVEL. HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR BLOOD I WOULD BE NO ONE TO YOU
AND HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR BLOOD, I WOULD NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE SOMETHING
FROM NOTHING.

THERE IS A LOT MORE THAN THE HUSTLE IN THE STREETS OF L.A. IN MY HOOD, WHO
YOU ARE DEFINES WHAT IT IS THAT YOU HAVE RIGHTS TO DO. I GUESS THAT IS WHAT
WE CALL LOVE. LET ME QUESTION LOVE FOR ONE MOMENT.  WHAT IS LOVE AND
WHAT DOES IT TAKE IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE LOVE.

SOME THINK LOVE IS SOMETHING YOU WILL HAVE WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE MET
THE RIGHT PERSON. IF THEY ARE MEANT FOR YOUR LIFE WILL PREDICT THE FUTURE
ITSELF WITH NO INTERUPTIONS.  THERE IS NO LOVE WHEN IT COMES TO MATERIAL
THINGS. YOU CANT LOVE SOMETHING THAT CAN BE TAKEN AWAY AS IF IT NEVER WAS
YOURS. IN MY OPININION LOVE IS TAKING THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW THOSE THAT
WE GET INVOLVED WITH.  AN INVESTMENT OF TIME IS BASED ON LOVE, FOR ONCE WE
HAVE INVESTED OUR TIME, THE FRIENDSHIP WE HAVE DEVELOPED SHALL BE BASED
ON LOVE.  THAT LOVE SHALL BE BASED ON OUR CONCERN FOR ONE ANOTHER AS
THAT SAME LOVE EVOLVES INTO A RELATIONSHIP. THAT IS SOMETHING THAT IS TRUE,
BETWEEN LOVERS OR HOMEBOYS THE POINT IS THAT LOVE IS A VERB NOT JUST A
WORD. SOMETIMES WE FORGET TO SAY THE WORD LOVE TO THOSE THAT REALLY
MATER OR WE FORGET TO EXPRESS THOSE FEELINGS, THEN WHEN WE REALIZE THAT
WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID SOMETIMES IT IS TOO LATE.  AS I HAVE SHARED MY
LIFE WITH THE WORLD IN THE MONTHS THAT HAVE PASSED EVERYONE KNOWS THAT
MY FATHER JUST DIED IN THE LATTER PART OF 2003.

I AM GLAD THAT I HAD THE CHANCE TO TELL HIM THAT I LOVED HIM.  LIFE ALWAYS
SEEMS AS IF WE NEVER GET TO SAY ENOUGH BUT I KNOW THAT HE KNEW THAT
MUCH WHEN HE DIED.  WHEN I TALK WITH MY HOMIES FROM THE 20S I ALWAYS TELL
THEM THAT I LOVE THEM, THEY ARE MY BROTHERS BY THE BLOOD OF ROLLIN 20S
NEIGHBORHOOD, NO MATTER WHERE I AM AT IN THE WORLD OR WHAT I AM DOING.  I
SHED TEARS FOR EVERY HOMIE FROM THE 20S IN TIMES OF GRIEF.  LIFE IS THE
MOST PRECIOUS GIFT IN THE WORLD AND TIME IS THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT IN LIFE,
AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR FREEDOM YOU HAVE THE TOOLS
TO BUILD THE LIFE THAT YOU DESEIRE.

WHEN I WAS IN THE STATE PENITENTIARY WE USE TO SAY, IN ORDER TO COME UP
YOU JUST HAVE TO BE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME, AND BEING BEHIND
ANYBODYS BARS IT IS NOT THE RIGHT PLACE OR TIME. I WISH TO ACHIEVE
GREATNESS BY BECOMING SUCCESSFUL AS A WRITER, THEN GOING BACK TO THE
HOOD SHOWING THOSE LIKE ME THAT ARE STUCK IN THE GAME THAT THERE IS AWAY
OUT OF ALL THE MADNESS AND CONFUSION AND TO NEVER STOP SEARCHING FOR
PROSPERITY IN LIFE. THE GHETTO IS JUST ANOTHER INSTITUTION, JUST THE SAME AS
JAIL OR THE MILITARY.  YOU ARE STUCK THERE UNTIL YOUR SENTENCE OR TOUR IS
OVER.  THE CONTROLLING ELEMENTS OF SURVIVAL ARE ISSUED BY THE
GOVERNMENT WHETHER THAT BE AMMUNITION, FOOD, OR EVEN DRUGS NOTHING IN
WITHOUT THE GOVERNMENTS APPROVAL. ISNT IT STRANGE, HOW EASY IT IS TO DIE IN
EITHER OF THESE PLACES. THOSE THAT CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN ABOUT
THE GHETTO BEING AN INSTITUTION IT IS NOT AN INSTITUTION OF INCARCERATION,
MILITARY OR EDUCATION, IT IS THE INSTITUTION OF POVERTY AND ALL THOSE THERE
ARE LEFT TO BE DEPENDENT UPON THE GOVERNMENT AND WHAT IS OFFERED OR
HANDED OUT.

SOME ARE WAITING ON WELFARE, GENERAL RELIEF (ASSISTANCE), OR FOOD
STAMPS. SOME ARE JUST WAITING FOR THE NEXT SHIPMENT OF DRUGS, THAT THE
GOVERNMENT TURNS THEIR BACKS AND ALLOW TO ENTER THESE BORDERS. IF
THERE WAS A BIG FENCE AROUND LOS ANGELES IT WOULD EQUAL NO MORE THAN
AN OVERSIZED PENITENTIARY. THAT IS WHY WHEN YOU ENTER THE CALIFORNIA
PRISON SYSTEM MOST OF THE INMATES ARE FROM LOS ANGELES WE WERE PRE-
CONDITIONED ON THE STREET AND WE ADAPT TO ALL CIRCUMSTANCES AS FAST AS
THEY HAPPEN OR CHANGE. EVEN THE SCHOOLS IN L.A. ARE LIKE PRISONS, I ALWAYS
SAY, THE YARD IS THE YARD WHETHER THAT BE SCHOOL, PLAYGROUND, OR PRISON
YOU WILL BE TESTED AND YOU CANT BE NO PUNK. LIFE IS ONE ROUGH RIDE WHEN
YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS TO HAVE HAD AN EASY LIFE AND TO FIGHT AND
STRUGGLE IS ALL THAT YOU KNOW. THE MORE OF MY WRITINGS THAT YOU READ,
THE MORE YOU WILL REALIZE MY CONCERN FOR THOSE STILL IN THE STREETS
SELLING DRUGS, USING DRUGS, AND GANGBANGIN.  I COULD NEVER TURN MY BACK
ON THEM BECAUSE I AM ONE OF THEM AND THEY ARE MY PEOPLE.  I AM A BLOOD
AND I NEVER PUT ANY KUT ON MY BELONGINGS OR TRY TO WATER DOWN MY
AFFILLIATION.  I AM O/G/B MADD RONALD1 FROM WESTSIDE ROLLIN 20S
NEIGHBORHOOD BLOODS. I DONT STEREOTYPE MYSELF AS A GANG MEMBER, I AM A
MEMBER OF THE URBAN SUB CULTURE THAT HAS TAKEN THE WORLD BY STORM. IT
IS THE URBAN SUB CULTURE THAT INFLUENCES THE MAINSTREAM, EVERYBODY
WANTS TO BE DOWN OR AT LEAST SAY THEY ARE.  GANGS ARE MERELY A SUB
CULTURE WITHIN THEMSELVES, SO REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE
QUESTIONED BY THE LAW ABOUT YOUR GANG AFFILLIATION IT IS PRACTICALLY
CRIMINAL TO BE A GANG MEMBER IN THIS AGE AND TIME.

I AM WHO I AM, FROM WHERE I AM FROM, I STAND AT THE FOREFRONT OF THE
MOVEMENT SO I SHALL BE THE SPEARHEAD. THE CONSCIOUS BLOOD MOVEMENT
EVOLVES FROM WITHIN L.A.’S GANG CRISIS. MY MOVEMENT STANDS IN
REPRESENTATION OF THOSE BLOODS OF CONSCIOUS MINDS AND ARE NOT BLINDED
BY THE IGNORANCE THAT INFILTRATES OUR ENVIRONMENTS AND OUR MINDS ON A
DAILY BASIS.  I MYSELF AM THE FOREFATHER OF BLOODISM, BUT THAT IS
SOMETHING ELSE TO BE DEVULGED AT ANOTHER TIME WITHIN MY WRITING. WE ARE
NOT A GROUP OF TERRORIST OR MASS MURDERERS BECAUSE WE ARE BLOODS. WE
ARE SCHOLARS OF THE STREETLIFE THAT UNDERSTAND THAT CHANGES HAVE TO BE
MADE WITHIN OUR METHOD OF THOUGHT. WE ARE OF LIBERATED MINDS, WE REP
BLOOD WITH PRIDE AS THE INNOVATORS AND THINKERS OF THE NEW MILLENIUM. WE
ARE YOUR GHETTO MILITIA AND OUR WEAPON OF CHOICE IS KNOWLEDGE.

OUR RIVAL ENEMY IS NOT THE CRIPS, BUT OUR NUMBER ONE ENEMY IS OUR OWN
IGNORANCE AND THE IGNORANCE THAT POISONS THE MINDS OF ALL THOSE JUST
LIKE US. WE ARE PUSHING FORWARD AND INFILTRATING THE MAINSTREAM ON A
DAILY BASIS. A CHANGE MUST COME IN THE WAY WE VIEW THE WORLD AS WELL AS
ONE ANOTHER. WE MUST VALUE LIFE FOR WHAT IT IS REALLY WORTH SO THAT WE
MAY APPRECIATE ONE ANOTHER’S LIVES JUST AS WELL AS OUR OWN. THE TRUE
ENEMY IS NOT HAVING THE KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING, AND
TOLERANCE TO WORK OUT OUR CONFLICTS WITH PEACEFUL RESOLUTION. I
RECOGNIZE THE WAYS OF THE WORLD AND THE PLIGHT OF HUMANITY. I COME
STRAIGHT FROM THE TRENCHES OF THE WESTSIDE 20S OF L.A. I REP MY SETT WITH
BOTH HANDS IN THE AIR THROWIN UP WITH THE B AND A RED FLAG TIED ON MY
HEAD. I AM NOT SCARED TO SPEAK MY MIND.  HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE
ANOTHER RESPECTED O/G COMES ALONG TO SPEAK OUT AND IS WILLING TO DO
WHAT IS NECESSARY TO LEAD THE MASSES TO A FREE STATE OF MIND? WHO ELSE IS
WILLING TO LIBERATE THE MINDS OF THOSE THAT ARE NOT KNOWING AND
CONTINUALLY LIVE IN A PRISON OF IGNORANCE WITHIN THEM SELVES?

THE MESSAGES THAT I DELIVER TO YOU MAY NOT EVEN BE MY OWN, THEY COULD
POSSIBLY BE REVELATIONS DELIVERED TO ME, IN ORDER TO LIBERATE THE MINDS
THAT ARE STILL BOUND BY THE SHACKLES OF INJUSTICE AND IGNORANCE. IF IT IS I
THAT HAS BEEN CHOSEN TO SPEAK THEN IT MUST BE I THAT HAS BEEN CHOSEN TO
DELIVER THE KEY TO THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WILL UNLOCK THE CHAINS AND FREE
THE MINDS OF YOU ALL. MY MISSION ON EARTH COULD POSSIBLY BE TO TEACH
CONSCIOUSNESS TO BOTH BLOODS AND CRIPS IN ORDER TO DEVELOP RESPECT. I
AM NOT A BIG MAN PHYSICALLY, I AM ONLY 5’8” IN HEIGHT AND WEIGHING IN AT 160
POUNDS. BUT MENTALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY I STAND AT INFINITE HEIGHTS
WITHIN THE MINDS OF THOSE THAT COMPREHEND MY METAPHORS. FOR ALL THAT I
DONT HAVE IN PHYSICAL STATURE I MAKE UP FOR WITH MY DEVOTION AND
DEDICATION TO FIGHT FOR CHANGE WITHIN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF LIFE THAT
COMMONLY PLAGUE US AS A PEOPLE.  WITHIN THESE DRASTIC CIRCUMSTANCES
THAT WE ARE TORN DOWN BY, KNOWLEDGE IS THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON THAT
IS AVAILABLE TO US. I WAS ONCE TOLD BY ONE OF MY COLLEGE PROFESSORS,
THOSE THAT KNOW GET PAID FOR KNOWING, THOSE THAT DONT KNOW, PAY TO
KNOW.  IT IS TIME FOR CIVILITY AMONG GANG MEMBERS. IT IS TIME FOR
RESOLUTION AMONG GANG MEMBERS. IT IS NOW TIME FOR PEACE AMONG ALL
GANGS ON A WORLDWIDE LEVEL.THERE IS NO WAY ALL OF THIS WILL EVER TAKE
PLACE AT ONE TIME. NOW THAT YOU HAVE READ IT IN THE WORDS OF O/G/B MADD
RONALD, IT WILL NOW ETERNALLY BE IMPLANTED IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS MINDS OF
YOU ALL, SO LET US CONSIDER THAT FOOD FOR THOUGHT.  I STAND AMONG MY OWN
PEERS, AS A MEMBER OF A GROUP OF WRITERS STRAIGHT OUT OF THE STRAIGHT
OUT OF THE STREETS OF THE WEST ADAMS. THEY ARE ACCREDITED JUST AS WELL
AS MEMBERS OF THE ROLLIN 20S NHBLOODS. RATT, FRECKLES, AND KREOLE ARE
ALL RAPPERS WORKING ON INDIVIDUAL PROJECTS THAT WRITE THEIR OWN RAPP
LYRICS. DE- ROCK IS AN UP AND COMING STAND UP COMEDIAN THAT WRITES HIS
OWN JOKES, MATERIAL AND ROUTINES, AND LOKO IS WRITING HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY
FROM BEHIND THE WALLS OF FOLSOM STATE PRISON.

THESE ARE JUST AMONG A FEW OF THE TALENTS, I AM EXPOSED TO, WHEN I DWELL
DEEP IN THE TRENCHES OF THE WESTSIDE ROLLIN 20S. THE WORLD IS IN A STATE OF
TURMOIL. THE SOCIAL SYSTEM THAT EXIST IS OF A FAILING STRUCTURE THAT IS
CRUMBLING, THERE IS NO HOPE IN SIGHT. THE WORLDS ECONOMY IS DETERMINED
BY THE WORLDS POVERTY. THE RICH ARE GETTING RICHER AND THE POORER ARE
GETTING POORER. THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FUTURE AS THERE WAS NO HOPE
FOR THE PAST. MY PAST WAS A TROUBLED ONE, I HAVE BEEN SUBJECTED TO
SELLING CRACK AND GANGBANGIN IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. I FEEL AS IF I AM RUNNING
FROM MY PAST BUT I AM RUNNING AND NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I HAVE SWORN TO
NEVER SELL DRUGS AGAIN, BUT I HOPE TO NEVER BE SUBJECTED TO THE
CIRCUMSTANCES OF MY PAST EVER AGAIN. MY HEART AND SOUL ARE STILL
FRAGMENTED FROM THE LOSING OF MY FATHER IN THE PAST MONTHS.  I FEEL AS IF
I AM DRIFTING AWAY EVEN THOUGH I REMAIN TO BE MOTIONLESS.  LIFE WILL NEVER
BE THE SAME FOR ME AND I AM STILL COMING TO TERMS WITH THAT FACT.  I STILL
SEE HIS FACE AND I STILL HEAR HIS VOICE EVEN THOUGH I NEVER WILL AGAIN. I
WALKED OUT OF THE GAME BACK IN SEPTEMBER OF 2003, ALONG WITH MY FATHER.
I LEFT LOS ANGELES EN ROUTE TO DESTINATION UNKNOWN. I HAVE FULFILLED MY
MISSION OF COMPLETION OF MY FIRST BOOK, NOW I AM AWAITING THE DATE THAT IT
WILL DROP. I HAD TO GET AWAY FROM THE EVERYDAY MADNESS THAT I WAS
INVOLVED IN. I TAKE IT ALL TO BE FOR THE BEST. EVERYONE MUST REALIZE, IT IS
HARD TO WRITE A BOOK WITH AN INK PEN IN ONE HAND AND A GUN IN THE OTHER.
HOW COULD I EVER FOCUS ON WHAT IT IS THAT I AM WRITING, AS I SIT AT THE
COMPUTER TYPING, WITH ONE EYE ON THE MONITOR AND THE OTHER LOOKING
OVER MY SHOULDER? I HAVE FOUND SOMEWHERE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
WHERE WHAT COLOR I WEAR OR WHETHER I AM A BLOOD. MY LIFE IS UNSETTLED
AND UP IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW. I AM IN SEARCH OF MYSELF WITH NO CLUES OF
WHERE I SHALL LOOK SO I KNOW NOT WHERE I SHALL BE FOUND.  IT IS NOW MY
TIME, TIME FOR ME TO DISCOVER MY OWN SELF AND WHATEVER IT IS THAT IS BEST
FOR ME. IT IS TRUE A JOB AINT NOTHININ BUT WORK. I NOW AWAKEN IN THE WEE
HOURS OF THE MORNING AS I HEAD OUT IN SEARCH OF WORK. WHEN I FINALLY FIND
WORK AT THE LABOR AGENCY THAT I AM WORKING FOR I AM STANDING VERTICALLY
ON THE SIDE OF ONE OF THE BIGGEST STEEPEST HILLS ON CAMP PENDLETONS
MARINE BASE WITH A SHOVEL OR A HOE IN MY HANDS. I AM DIGGING TRENCHES AND
I AM ASSISTING IN EROSION CONTROL OR LANDSCAPING. IT IS A LONG WAY FROM
THE GAME OF LIFE THAT I WAS INVOLVED IN JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO BUT IT PAYS.
IF I DONT WORK, I DONT EAT. IT DONT PAY MUCH BUT IT IS HONEST AND I FEEL GOOD
ABOUT MYSELF AT THE END OF THE DAY. AS A DRUG DEALER I ALWAYS HAD TO ASK
MYSELF, AM I HEALING THE PEOPLE BY PACIFYING THEM WITH CRACK COCAINE OR
AM I KILLING THEM, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT THE CRACK EPIDEMIC HAS DONE TO SO
MANY OF OUR BLACK PEOPLE, SINCE ITS INTRODUCTION. I HAVE TRULY ASSUMED
THE POSITION OF THE CONSCIOUS BLOOD. I MUST REMAIN CONSCIOUS AND
FOCUSED, EVEN THOUGH I AM STILL FIGHTING FOR MY OWN EXISTENCE. SOMEDAY I  
WILL RETURN TO L.A. AFTER ALL THAT IS WHERE MY CHILDREN ARE. I THINK OF THEM
EVERYDAY, I MISS THEM EVEN MORE FROM DAY TO DAY. I TALK TO MY KIDS ON A
REGULAR BASIS THEY SAY TO ME, DADDY I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, AND WHEN ARE
YOU COMING BACK? I OFTEN REPLY, I LOVE YOU TO, BUT I DONT KNOW WHEN I WILL
BE COMING BACK. I WRITE WITH TEARS IN MY EYES BECAUSE MY MANY THOUGHTS
ARE SO VERY UNSETTLING WITHIN MY OWN MIND. AT THIS VERY MOMENT MINNIE
RIPPERTON SETS THE BACKGROUND AS REPEATS THE WORDS, BACK DOWN
MEMORY LANE, OVER AND OVER IN MY EARS. MY SEEDS KNOW THAT THEY HAVE ME
BUT I FEEL THAT I HAVE NO ONE. MY HOMIES BACK IN THE 20S ARE CONSTANTLY
CHECKING UP ON ME THEY CONSTANTLY HIT ME ON THE CELL PHONE ON A DAILY
BASIS JUST TO STAY IN TOUCH AND MAKE SURE THAT I AM ALRIGHT. I MISS MY LIFE
OF GANGSTERISM. I MISS BEING AMONG THE 20S AS WHOMEVER I CHOSE TO BE .I
MISS ROLLIN THROUGH THE 20S WITH THE 323 AREA CODE ON MY RIGHT HIP AND 213
ON MY LEFT HIP. THE 20S IS A BIG PLACE THAT I SAW IT NECESSARY TO NEED 2 AREA
CODES FOR COMMUNICATION PURPOSES. I MISS ROLLIN IN MY STOCK CHEVY
MAILBU CLASSIC WITH THE BEAT BUMPIN. EVERY MORNING THAT I WALK TO WORK I
RECOLLECT THE FACT THAT I COULD MAKE THE MONEY THAT I AM BEING PAID FOR 8
HOURS OF BACK BREAKING LABOR IN 20 MINUTES BACK IN THE HOOD WITHOUT
EVER BREAKING A SWEAT. MY HEART BEATS LIKE A HOLLOW DRUM WHENEVER I
SPEAK TO MY HOMIES FROM THE 20S. I GET CALLS FROM THE INTERSECTION OF
NORMANDIE AVENUE AND ADAMS BOULEVARD TELLING ME HOW THE HOOD JUST
AINT THE SAME WITHOUT ME. THEY ALWAYS ASK, WHEN AM I COMING BACK HOME
TO THE 20S, WHEN I SAY THAT I AM NOT, THERE IS ALWAYS A LONG DELAYED
SILENCE AS MY ANSWER IS ABSORBED INTO THE CONVERSATION. I LOVE MY
NEIGHBORHOOD ROLLIN 20S BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS WISH ME THE BEST. EVERYONE
KNOWS THAT I HAD TO ENDURE GREAT DEVASTATION TO GIVE UP MY LIFE IN THE
HOOD. I TALK TO GOD ON A DAILY BASIS. DONT THINK THAT I HAVE SUDDENLY
DISCOVERED ANY NEWFOUND RELIGIONS OR HAVE GIVEN MY LIFE TO THE GOD OF
THE CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, JEWS, OR ANY OTHER DENOMINATION OF ORGANIZED
RELIGION. GOD TO ME SHALL REMAIN A NAMELESS AND INFINITE BEING, THE GIVER
AND TAKER OF LIFE. NOT HE NOR SHE BECAUSE TO DETERMINE THE SEX OF GOD
WOULD NOT BE INFINITE, IT WOULD BE DEFINITE. I KNOW MY FATHER FELT A GREAT
DEAL OF PAIN IN HIS LAST DAYS ON EARTH, I HOPE HE NO LONGER FEELS THE PAIN IN
DEATH THAT HE HAD TO ENDURE IN LIFE.

I AM TRAPPED IN MY OWN NIGHTMARE, THE L.AP.D. IS AT MY FRONT DOOR, THE FEDS
JUST KNOCKED DOWN MY BACK DOOR WITH THE BATTER RAM, I RUN FOR TOILET
ALL I WILL NEED IS ONE FLUSH TO GET RID OF THE DRUGS. GUNFIRE ERUPTS COURT
IS HELD IN THE STREET, I SUDDENLY AWAKEN. YOU CAN TAKE MADD RONALD OUT OF
THE 20S, BUT YOULL NEVER TAKE THE 20S OUT OF MADD RONALD. I AM IN THE
SAFETY OF WHAT GANG MEMBERS WOULD CALL NO-MANS LAND. I HAVE CHECKED
TO SEE HOW MY RATINGS ARE ON STREETGANGS.COM AND I SEE THAT I AM LOSING
POPULARITY AMONG THE MASSES. IT DONT MATTER I HAVE A MISSION TO FULFILL SO
LIKE IT OR NOT I SHALL REMAIN TO WRITE AS LONG AS THERE IS A DEMAND BY ALL
OF THOSE THAT BE HOLLERIN AND SHOWING LOVE THROUGH E-MAIL AND INSTANT
MESSENGER. MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL. GOT HATERS? I DO. I TREAT HATERS LIKE
HURDLES IN THE RACE OF LIFE, I JUST LEAP RIGHT OVER THEM AND CONTINUE MY
STRIDE, BECAUSE I CANT BE STOPPED. I AM THE ONE WHO HAD SAID,  HATERS MUST
EXIST, SO FUCKEM. HATE ME BROKE, BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO SWEAR WE KOOL
WHEN THE BOOK DROPS AND GETS THE EXTAORDINARY REVIEWS THAT IT IS SURE TO
GET. THE WORLD HAS YET TO FEELTHE FULL IMPACT OF MY PHILOSOPHICAL, OUT OF
THE BOX POINT OF VIEWS. ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU CANT CRITICIZE WHAT YOU
HAVE NEVER READ. KEEPIN IT REAL, I CANT HATE ON THE HATERS, THEY ARE THE
ONES THAT HELP PUSH ME OVER THE TOP. I LOVE THEM ALSO. IT DONT MATTER, YOU
CANT STOP WHAT IS MEANT TO BE, SO I SHALL CONTINUE TO MOVE FORWARD
WITHOUT LOSING ANY STRIDE AS I PUSH TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. WHO’S IS BETTER
THAN I, AT DELIVERING TO YOU TRUE REVELATIONS FROM THE STREETS OF LOS
ANGELES? FOR THOSE THAT WILL NEVER GET ANY CLOSER TO THE STREETS THAN
WHAT THEY READ,WHICH IS WRITTEN BY MADD RONALD AND FOR THOSE THAT HAVE
NEVER BEEN ANY CLOSER TO A DRIVE-BY SHOOTING THAN THE LYRICS OF LIFE THAT
THEY HAVE READ IN MY PAST COMPOSITIONS, MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALSO FOR YOUR
LOVE AND RESPECT. TO ALL THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN ENQUIRING ABOUT WHEN THE
BOOK, THE INTERNET COMPOSITIONS OF O/G MADD RONALD: BLOOD FOR LIFE,  WILL
BE COMING OUT SOON.  IT IS IN THE WORKS SO BE LOOKING FOR IT. I WILL ALSO BE
FEATURED IN ANOTHER BOOK IN 2004 CALLED, THE BANDANA REPUBLIC, SO BE ON
THE LOOK OUT FOR MY COMPOSITION IN THAT BOOK ENTITLED, THE ALPHA, OMEGA,
AND THE ARMAGEDON.

SOME HAVE HEARD ME SAY THIS BEFORE IN ANOTHER OF MY COMPOSITIONS;
SOMETIMES IT’S HARD TO SMILE WHEN YOU ARE IN SEARCH OF HAPPINESS.  IT IS
NEVER ANYWHERE THAT YOU ARE SEARCHING AND NOTHING IN LIFE IS GOOD. GOOD
IS JUST A SUITABLE PREFERENCE THAT IS CONVENIENT FOR YOUR PERSONALIZED
PLEASURE AT THE PRESENT MOMENT. I OBSERVE THE SETTING SUN AS IT
SUBMERGES INTO THE WESTERN SKY. I HEAR THE WAVES OF THE WORLD CRASHING
DOWN ON THE B SHORE OF LIFE. WE SHALL BURY ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS IN THE
SAND, SO THAT THEY MAY SIMPLY BE WASHED AWAY AS THE TIDE ROLLS BACK OUT
INTO THE OCEAN. WATCHING THE WAVES LIKE THIS MAKES ME SUDDENLY HOODSICK
FOR WEST ADAMS BOULEVARD. MY MIND STARTS TO DRIFT TOWARD WATCHING THE
HEAVY TRAFFIC BUILD UP ON ADAMS BOULEVARD FROM DAY TO DAY WHILE I
WATCHED THE TRAFFIC CONSTANTLY PASS ME BY, AS I WOULD CONSTANTLY THINK
TO MYSELF THE WORLD IS IN SUCH A RUSH TO GO NOWHERE FAST.

AS A CHILD MY FATHER SHELTERED, PROTECTED, AND PROVIDED FOR MY EVERY
NEED. I CONSTANTLY RELIVE THOSE DAYS AND SOMETIMES I AWAKEN FROM MY
DREAMS IN TEARS WHEN I DREAM ABOUT HIM. I AWAKEN AND REALIZE, I AM TRULY A
SELFISH INDIVIDUAL. I HAVE TO APPRECIATE THE TIME THAT WE HAD TOGETHER AND
HIS DAYS ON THIS EARTH. NOW I KNOW, HE IS FREE OF THE PAIN SUFFERING AND
PROBLEMS THAT PLAGUE US AS MORTAL HUMAN BEINGS AS WE ROAM THE SURFACE
OF THE EARTH. HE HAS BEEN RELEASED FROM THE TORMENT OF THIS HELL THAT WE
HAVE BEEN CAST INTO WITHIN OUR MORTAL LIVES. EVEN THOUGH HE HAS PASSED
ON AND I HAVE MOVED ON, THERE ARE STILL THOSE THAT ARE SUFFEREING, CRYING,
AND DYING WHERE WE COME FROM. I FEEL PAIN AT ITS GREATEST EXTENT, BUT
THERE IS SOMEONE FEELING WORSE THAN ME. EVEN THOUGH MY HEART IS BROKEN
I KNOW SOME PEOPLES HEARTS ARE
DIMINISHED.                                                                                                                     

I RECALL ONCE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH ONE OF MY DOGS, FROM THE CITY,
BLACK-P-STONE NATION THAT I HAD GROWN UP GANG BANGIN WITH. HE HAD TOLD
ME HOW HE HAD TO TAKE A GUN FROM HIS YOUNG SON, WHO WAS NOW A
TEENAGER AND MAY HAVE BEEN BANGIN THE SAME SETT AS HIS DAD. HE WAS
SPEAKING IN A MANNER THAT HAD REMINDED ME SO MUCH OF HIM WHEN HE WAS
YOUNG. WHEN HE FINISHED TELLING ME THE STORY, HE SAID THAT THE WHOLE
INCIDENT HAD BROUGHT TEARS TO HIS EYES. IT IS FUNNY HOW OUR PAST COMES
BACK TO HAUNT US IN SO MANY WAYS.

THE CONDITIONS OF THE WORLD STILL EXIST NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON WITHIN
ME, OR AROUND ME. I HAVE BEEN ON HIATUS SINCE THE LOSS OF MY FATHER.  I
HAVE TRAVELED FAR OUTSIDE OF LOS ANGELES, I HAVE VENTURED DEEP INTO
OTHER REALMS OF ACTIVISM.  I HAVE LEARNED OF CAUSES BEYOND ANDSIMILAR TO
THOSE THAT I WAS FACED WITH BACK IN THE HOOD.  I LEARNED OF SYCAMORE,
MAPLE, CEDAR, PINE AND FIR JUST TO NAME A FEW. I HAVE BEEN IN THE LAND OF
ECO-WARRIORS, TREE SITTERS AND ENVIROMENTAL ACTIVIST.  I WAS IMPRESSED BY
THE NOBILITY OF CAUSES LIKE, FOOD NOT BOMBS. LET US NOW CONSIDER THE LIFE
OF A TREE. THOSE OF US WHOM HAVE GROWN UP IN L.A. AMONG ASHFALT AND
CONCRETE HAVE NO IDEA HOW PRECIOUS THE LIFE OF A TREE REALLY IS. IT IS
REALLY SOMETHING STRANGE TO SEE A HUMAN BEING THAT IS PRACTICALLY
PREPARED TO SACRFICE THEIR OWN LIFE IN ORDER TO NOT SEE THESE GREAT
MONUMENTAL TREES BE SACRFICED TO THE LUMBER INDUSTRY.

THE WORLD IS A PLACE OF MANY DIFFERENT CAUSES. TAKING THE TIME TO FEED
PEOPLE THAT ARE HUNGRY IS ANOTHER CAUSE THAT HAD TRULY CAPTIVATED MY
HEART. I COULD NOT HELP THINKING ABOUT THE THOUSANDS OF HOMELESS OF L.A.
AND HOW SO LITTLE IS BEING DONE TO ASSIST THOSE THAT ARE HUNGRY RIGHT
BACK IN THE STREETS THAT I COME FROM. MY MIND STILL WANDERS AND MY HEART
WANDERS EVEN FARTHER. IT IS TIME FOR ME TO TRAVEL ONCE AGAIN SO MY MIND IS
ONCE AGAIN PROPELLED INTO MOTION. I FIND MYSELF STANDING ON A WARM
BEACH IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ON A WARM NIGHT. SO DIFFERENT IT IS HERE
COMPARED TO THE FREEZING TEMPERATURES THAT I WAS LIVING IN DURING THE
WEEK BEFORE. I HAVE LEARNED OF THE QUINALT AND OTHER NATIVE TRIBES OF THE
PACIFIC NORTHWEST. FOR ALL THAT I HAVE LEARNED, I AM STILL HOODSICK FOR THE
WESTSIDE NEIGHBORHOOD ROLLIN 20S. I MUST RETURN BECAUSE THE 20′s ARE ALL
THAT I KNOW. I STILL LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER AND WATCH MY BACK EVEN
THOUGH THERE ARE NO OTHER GANG MEMBERS TO BE AWARE OF BESIDE MYSELF. I
AM STILL SUBDUED WITHIN MY OWN PARANOIA. I WAS WON A SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
BEACH OUTSIDE OF L.A. COUNTY AND HEARD SOMEONE USE THE C WORD. I LOOKED
TO SEE WHO IT WAS AND SAW A YOUNG WANNA-BE WITH A BLUE RAG TIED ON HIS
HEAD CALLING SOME OTHER YOUNG KID CUZ. AT FIRST I THOUGHT HE WAS TRIPPIN
OFF OF MY BURGUNDY SHOE LACES IN MY LUGZ TENNIS SHOES THEN I REALIZED
THESE ARE KIDS WHO MIGHT BE LISTENING TO TOO MUCH RAPP MUSIC OR SMOKING
TOO MUCH WEED.  THE LAST THING IN THIS WORLD THAT THEY WOULD BE WANTING
IS TO CLASH WITH MADD RONALD FROM N/H/B ROLLIN 20S. THEY DONT EVEN KNOW
HOW TO ENGAGE AND FURTHERMORE THEY LOOKED TO BE AS YOUNG AS MY
TEENAGE SON.

THE DIMENSIONS OF LIFE ARE SO STRANGE FROM FACET TO FACET. HAD I BEEN IN
THE SAME POSITION IN L.A. AND SAW 2 YOUNG CRIPS MY DEFENSE MECHANISM
WOULD HAVE BEEN ACTIVATED.THERE IS A GREATER PROBABILITY THAT 2 YOUNG
CRIPS IN L.A. WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT FOR STRIPES. TODAY IS DECEMBER 3, AND MY
CELL PHONE IS RINGING, I ANSWER IT TO FIND OUT THAT MY HOMEBOY EVIL HAS
BEEN RELEASED FROM THE PAIN AND HARDSHIP OF THIS LIFE VIA A BULLET FROM A
RIVAL GANG MEMBER. EVIL WAS A YOUNG MAN WITH GREAT POTENTIAL, HE WAS A
FATHER AND A REAL HOMIE I AM GOING TO MISS. I OFTEN WONDER AM I MISSING
ANYTHING SINCE I HAVE LEFT THE HOOD? IT IS ALL SO STRANGE TO ME BECAUSE I
AM STANDING ON THE OUTSIDE AND IT STILL FEELS LIKE BODIES ARE STILL FALLING
ALL AROUND ME. THE WORLD IS STILL SPINNING AT AN UNBELIEVABLE SPEED, THERE
IS NO GRAVITY AND NO CENTRIFUGAL FORCES, SO I AM LIABLE TO GO FLYING OVER
THE EDGE OR LOSE MY HEAD AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.

THE WORLD IS ONE BIG AMUSEMENT PARK AND THE RIDE IS CONSTANTLY GOING UP
AND DOWN, ROUND AND ROUND, SOME FAST, SOME SLOW, JUST THE SAME AS LIFE.
LET US NOT THINK OF EVIL AS ANOTHER SENSELESS VICTIM OF GANG VIOLENCE IN
THE STREETS OF L.A. I SHALL SAY,  EVIL HAS BEEN TO HIS HIGHEST HEIGHTS, HIS
LOWEST OF LOWS, LIVED AS FAST AS HE POSSIBLY COULD, AND SLOWER THAN
SLOW. THIS IS WHERE THE RIDE ENDS AND HE PASSES THROUGH TO THE NEXT LIFE.
IT HAS BEEN A GOOD LIFE AND A BETTER RIDE. DOVE LOVE EVIL, MAY YOU FOREVER
B IN PEACE. I HAVE AWAKENED THE FOLLOWING MORNING TO THE REALIZATON OF
ANOTHER OF MY FRIEND’S LIFE HAVE BEEN SACRIFICED TO THE STREETS. I WALK
DOWN THE STREET WITH NO FEAR OF THE DANGERS THAT WE ALL MUST BE AWARE
OF WHEN WE WALK ON GANG RELATED TURF LIKE THE 20S. I DO KNOW THE FEELING
FELT DEEP WITHIN MY GUT AS MY STOMACH TURNS AS I FEEL NAUSIATED AT THE
THOUGHT OF LOSING ANOTHER LIFE OR LOSING MY OWN LIFE.

MY TOUGHEST BATTLE WITHIN THE PAST FEW MONTHS HAS BEEN NORMALITY,
FITTING INTO A NORMAL PATTERN OF LIFE. IT IS HARD ENOUGH MAKING MY MONEY
WITHOUT SELLING CRACK COCAINE, OR HUSTLING ALONG THE MANY GUIDELINES
THAT I HAVE BEEN GROOMED FOR. I HAVE BEEN TO COUNTLESS FUNERALS, LOST 6
HOMEBOYS, AND MY FATHER THIS YEAR. I HAVE WALKED OFF THE SETT WITH MY
LIFE AND THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I AM THANKFUL FOR. ANYONE THAT TAKES MY
EXIT AS WEAKNESS BETTER CHECK MY PEDIGREE AND TRY TO LIVE UP TO MY
RECORD IN THE STREETS. I AM A LIVING LEGEND AND WILL BE AS LONG AS I AM
ALIVE. MY LEGEND WON’T DIE UNTIL THE DAY THAT I DIE. I NOW CAPTURE MY LIFE
WITH AN INK PEN AS THE DAYS GO BY. I VISITED THE HOOD AFTER I ATTENEDED EVILS
FUNERAL.  ONCE AGAIN I WAS SURROUNDED BY MY BELOVED. IT REALLY FEELS
STRANGE TO BE AMONG THE NEIGHBORHOOD ROLLIN 20S AFTER NOT BEING AMONG
THEM FOR SO MANY MONTHS. THE LOVE IS STILL THERE.  THEY COULD NEVER
FORGET O/G MADD RONALD. I HAD THE OPURTUNITY TO ONCE AGAIN HANG OUT AND
SHOOT THE SHIT WITH MY DOGS JAYBIRD, KRAZY KARL, MONSTER, QUICK, AND
KREOLE JUST TO NAME A FEW. I WAS GREETED BY HOMEGIRLS LIKE SAGE, HEEBOE,
MAXINE, LADY NSANE, BIG GRITTS, LIL GRITTS, AND LIL BIT. LIL BIT HAD TOLD ME
HOW SHE WAS IMPRESSED BY WHAT I HAD WRITTEN ABOUT ISEMAN A FEW MONTHS
BACK. LIFE IS SUCH A TRIP WHEN YOU ARE STANDING ON THE OUTSIDE THEN YOU
SUDDENLY JUMP BACK IN FOR THE MOMENT.

I CAME TO THE GREAT REALIZATION THAT NOTHING EVER CHANGES. THOSE THAT
WERE DOING BAD ARE STILL DOING BAD AND THOSE THAT ARE NOT ARE DOING
WORSE. EVIL IS NO LONGER AMONG US AND HE WAS TRULY A HOMIE AND HE IS
GOING TO BE MISSED. I CLOSE THIS COMPOSITION IN SADDNESS, AS I SHED TEARS
FOR EVIL. I LOVE YOU BLOOD. TO MY READERS AND SUPPORTERS MUCH LOVE AND
STAY SAFE. NO MATTER HOW BAD IT SEEMS, PROBLEMS ARE MEANT TO BE WORKED
OUT AND THE COURSE OF LIFE SHALL GRANT US PLENTY OF TIME TO WORK THEM
OUT. I AM FACING THE RED SUN AS IT SETS.  NORTH BE TO MY RIGHT AND SOUTH BE
TO MY LEFT, AS EAST BE TO MY BACK AND I AM FACING WEST. I SHALL ALLOW THIS
COMPOSITION TO SOFTLY FADE OUT AS IF IT WERE THE RED SETTING SUN IN THE
WEST. MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL.  20
MINUTES!                                                                                                          

A MOMENT OF PHILOSOPHY: WE ARE ALL GRANTED THE GIFT OF A DAY IN ORDER TO
WORK OUT ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS, FOR THOSE THAT NEED MORE TIME YOUR GIFT
SHALL BE ANOTHER 24 HOURS AS SOON AS THE SUN RISES THE FOLLOWING
MORNING.

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